Dear Lola,

I am having some difficulty with my mother. Lately, I feel as though she is taking advantage of my being a nice person. She will call me and ask me to bring her food from local drive thru restaurants, and then not offer to reimburse me for the meal when I deliver it to her. Since I live very close to her home, this has become a weekly favor. My mom is also asking me to come over to visit and then expect me to help her with the cleaning around her house. It’s all very simple things, like dishes and folding sheets, but I have my own home to take care of also.

How can I tell my mother that I don’t want to continue to be called for favors?

Sincerely,
Nice in Nashville

Dear Lola

Dear Nice in Nashville,

Normally I would answer with my usual light-hearted humor, but this question seems like it is more serious than my usual fare. I am therefore going to hold off on my banter and give you some much-needed clarity of the situation.

Your mother is lonely.

She calls you to ask you to bring her dinner once a week. Perhaps she is doing this because she wants one dinner with another human being each week, preferably her lovely daughter. So many mothers and daughters cannot get along well together, and you are very lucky not to have this problem. Since you have not indicated that you invite your mother over to your home for dinner, it seems like she is attempting to drop a major hint about her desire for human companionship. If bringing takeout each week is too costly, make your mother a meal and bring it to eat with her. You can also purchase some groceries and cook the meal together at her home.

Your mom fed you for years, repay that love.

Your mother may also need some assistance in maintaining her home. People get overwhelmed by the size of their home as they begin to need more frequent breaks and afternoon naps. You also have a home of your own to maintain, so I would recommend setting up a scheduled time that you come over to help your mother. This should help you to focus on it being about helping your mother when convenient to both of you, instead of a task you dread. It doesn’t appear she is asking you to clean up after her all night parties, but sheets can be beastly to fold with only one set of hands – especially when those hands are tired after years of cleaning up after you!

Mothers don’t last forever, enjoy these times together.

♥Lola♥

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52 replies on “Dear Lola – Your mother is lonely…”

    1. Lola and I were a little thrown off because the letter was a bit longer (We trim unnecessary stuff) and we didn’t see where she was being taken advantage of. That’s why Lola answered so seriously.

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  2. Have to say my reaction is similar: Mom would have done these things for her for years and years, and as you say, she sounds lonely. Great answer Lola … and you refrained from using the selfish word, so I’ll do it for you!

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  6. Great advice. I’ll show my 5 year old daughter so she remembers to be nice to me when I’m a little old lady making demands. Because, dear God, I AM going to make demands. And lots of them. ….payback time! #dreamteam

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  15. I think this is tricky and she may not being getting her feelings across in the letter. I think maybe she should invite her mother over once a week but when it comes to the housework maybe see if there is some sort of help she can get. I don’t think it is just a case of her mum being lonely either as we do not know the woman but from my experience some will see that if they ask once the task get’s done so they will continue to ask knowing that the person can’t say no. #dreamteam

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    1. It was a very tricky letter indeed. It was actually much longer and had I published it in its entirety, the reading public would have been very hard on the daughter. I tactfully edited it because I know people tend to pour their heart out once they get going.

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  20. I am having to visit my mother weekly at the moment, it’s an hour each way. I’m offering to do the work round the house as she has a bad back. It’s a pain, sure, and I loose a whole day in the process, but isn’t that what family is for? I listen to audio books in the car so it’s quite a good way to get rid of any stress or resentment. A reward for the good deed #Dreamteam

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  27. Awwww Heather, that advice is so lovely and really puts things in perspective. It’s very easy to get caught up in our own lives, but you are right, mums do so much for their children and its only right that when we are grown, that we take time to appreciate them. Thanks for being my super wingman on the #DreamTeam xxx

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  30. Relationships are give and take but years may separate those moments. I see my mum every day but my dad works during the week so just every weekend. Probably too much time together! I’m planning on being there to help as they get older (only in their 60s at the moment!) #dreamteam

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