Dear Lola,

I’ve often thought about a career change because I deplore my current profession. Since I want my job to be exciting and pay well, I’ve determined that becoming a ninja is the best course of action. I do need your advice on one aspect of the job, regarding payment. When hiring out my services, would it be unethical to imply that there will be dire consequences if payment is late? I could always charge a late fee, but that might lead people to assume I am not a competent ninja.

Sincerely,
The Novice Ninja

Dear Lola

Dear Novice Ninja,

Yes, it would be unethical to imply dire consequences when pitching a client to hire you for your ninja services. It is very likely the client would hire another ninja to avoid possible death. I would simply recommend getting payment for all deeds, dastardly or otherwise, in advance of the job being completed. Or a 50-50 split if your client needs proof of job completion. Now that I’ve addressed the question posed, can I tackle the actual problem here?!

What color ninja suit do you plan on wearing to work?

Pink lycra spandex can be very flattering on the body, though I have always preferred purple. My Mommybeast bought me a pink harness when my purple one broke and I loathe it. But it has reflectors and my Mommybeast likes to repeat ‘safety first’ every time she buckles me into it. So, when picking out your ninja costume, think safety. Ninjas should not be reflective, it’s very hard to sneak up on people when they can see you coming from 100 meters. While red would cover up blood, ninjas should be skilled enough not to worry about this problem. Plus, we have amazing stain removers nowadays, in the event something terrible happens. You could also consider brown, though you really run the risk of looking like the poop emoji. Thanks to a well-known movie, that might draw too much unwanted attention to you during ninja missions. The most obvious choice of course, is black – I would advise against this.

A black ninja suit could look a little Batman-ish.

Batman works for free, you don’t want to confuse the clients! This is why I recommend you consider dark blue. Pair it with the right shoes and dark blue will be the perfect day look. I’m sure you’ll blend in on the morning commute. Then at night you’ll fade into the background, just make sure to move in quick ninja fashion. With luck, the citizens will merely assume that a very fast police officer ran by them.

I can’t wait to tell that rogue neighborhood cat that I know a ninja. He’ll need to find a new front porch to sleep on…or else.

♥Lola♥

Send Lola your questions in the comments, or by clicking one of my social media links below!

The cartoon rendering of Lola the English bulldog is dressed up as a ninja. Her body is now covered in form-fitting purple lycra and she has a purple face mask across her eyes and part of her nose.

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68 replies on “Dear Lola – The novice ninja…”

  1. Such sound advice from Lola yet again! I definitely agree a 50% upfront & 50% on completion is fair. Navy blue is also a good choice if you are planning on getting dirty as well 😉 #DreamTeam

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  4. You so right – definitely a 50% deposit as guarantee for the job and then 50% on completion. Safety is so important but have you considered bright yellow – I think that would make a marvelous color. That color would frighten the living daylights out of that neighborhood cat. Just something to ponder on Lola #dreamteam

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  6. Your posts are always a treat to read! I’m in the middle of thinking of a career change, hadn’t considered being a ninja but might think about that now 🤔 #dreamteam

    Soffy // themumaffairs.blogspot.com

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  10. I first read this last week and I’m still chortling to myself at “Ninjas should not be reflective”. She is wise that Lola. #LolaLove #DreamTeam xx

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    1. I don’t know how her brain comes up with all of this, but you should see the terrible things that I have to talk her out of! Last night she wanted to go on a ninja adventure without a flashlight. We need flashlights Lola!!!

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  18. Love this post. It brightened last Monday when I read it whilst feeling out of sought… I did think of trainee ninja for myself after reading this but, as I said, pink lycra makes me look Mr blobby-esque; purple at my age just confirms I’m becoming a mad old lady; and navy brings nightmares of my grammar school days…. Maybe I’ll stick with eccentric artist type x #DreamTeam

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  28. Haha! That’s hilarious… especially the bit about dressing in dark blue and blending in with the commuters. And of course not getting anyone confused about working for free like batman. Priceless. Thanks for being a brilliant #DreamTeam host xx

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  34. Navy sounds like a good option – subtle yet practical. And congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂 #blogcrush

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