Dear Lola,

Why do we say an alarm clock is going ‘off’ when the alarm is actually turning on? Shouldn’t we say the alarm is turning on? Also, when we turn the alarm off, does that mean the alarm is still making noise or silent? We’re using the same word to mean two entirely different things – and both are used in reference to an alarm clock! It’s ridiculous and I must know how this happened.

Sincerely,
Shut the Bleep Up Already

Dear Lola

Dear Shut the Bleep Up Already,

I knew this question would come one day. I have also pondered this very thing when listening to my humans converse in the mornings. I must say, we don’t have these severe miscommunications in the canine language. After many hours of research into this conundrum, I’m happy to report that I have an answer for you.

Humans spend a lot of time with their friend alcohol.

There is no other way to explain how the word ‘off’ in relation to an alarm can mean that the alarm is both blaring and silent. Fearing I was judging the humans too sharply, I asked my neighbor Arrow for his opinion. He is a wise dog, as evidenced by his greying beard and bushy eyebrows. Arrow agreed that humans spend an inordinate amount of time with alcohol, but that doesn’t quite explain how the same word means the complete opposite of each other. Arrow suggested I turn to my favorite Seinfeld episode to find the answer.

The Bizarro World.

Thanks to Jerry’s never-ending Superman obsession, I know that The Bizarro World holds the opposite of everything we understand. Hi means bye, leave means stay, off means on. Unfortunately, when you combine alcohol and opposites, things can get messy. I think the question humans should all be contemplating is this –

How much wine is too much wine?

♥Lola♥

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81 replies on “Dear Lola – Shut the bleep up already…”

  4. The thing I don’t like about alarm clocks…I am always awake before it begins the noise but I always forget to turn it off and have to rush around looking for my phone when it starts! #DreamTeam

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  7. Is there even an alarm clock in the Lola household when humans are still up at 4am and are having power naps in the afternoon?!
    I have a question for Lola from Dottie…
    ‘ why is it humans wash the floor when I’m trying to come in from the garden? It’s most inconsiderate….’
    🐶💕

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  8. Well this conundrum certainly seems top have alarmed your questioner, Lola. Thing is, as a dog, it’s amazing how you guys never need an alarm to get up straight away when we humanbeasts walk into the room where you are sleeping, and go into waggy-tail mode straight away. #DreamTeam

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    1. Any time I have to set an alarm I know I’ll be waking up cranky. It’s too shocking to the system to be jolted awake. Today I was jolted awake by somebody ringing my doorbell, I swear my heart almost stopped.

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  11. Some wise words, my canine friend. As for how much wine is too much wine, I haven’t found the answer yet. I’ll keep drinking until I get the answer. …just for you.

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  17. This has really got me thinking now! I never paid attention to it ‘going off’ interesting topic as usual xx #DreamTeam

    Soffy // themumaffairs.blogspot.com

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  30. Who needs alarm clocks when you have kids instead! Wine helps, it is like medicine so stick to a daily dose of one glass #dreamteam

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  32. “Too much wine” you say? Nope. Not familiar with that concept. 😂 Lola and Arrow should have their own detective / advice series on Netflix. It would be an absolute winner! Thanks co-hosty 😘 x #DreamTeam

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    1. Lola is trying to negotiate Arrow into agreeing to be paid in cheese but he’s pretty stuck on peanut butter. The series cannot survive until the two come to a settlement.

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  35. I’m one of those (annoying people) who sets alarm after alarm after alarm – because I know I won’t wake up in the first go! And love that feeling of being semi-awake, knowing you still have 3 more alarms to go till you HAVE to get up!!!
    (That being said, I now have to spring out of bed when my 4 year old demands – alarm or no alarm. Period.)
    #dreamteam

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  37. I loathe alarm clocks – they always seem to go off at the wrong time — when I still want to snuggle and catch that last snooze. As for the wine part – with the current water crisis in Cape Town – we tend to drink more wine now to save on water. So you see Lola, I don’t really have a choice but to indulge. #Dreamteam

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  42. We recently had a conversation of similar ilk when the Mrs. said to Big, “please hang the phone up.” Now, we have no landline and smartphones don’t need to be hanging… Big was quite confused and we had to speak about the days of yesteryear… language is a funny one…. #dreamteam TY Lola!

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  44. Hehe! Is there such a think as too much wine? I have never thought about this before but now I an driving myself crazy trying to justify why the word ‘off’ is the right word but I don’t think it is! Thank you for joining with #BigPinkLink…. I’m going to go and work this out!!!!

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