Dear Lola,

I am a blogger who writes very funny things on the internet. I have even been known to make a few people laugh out loud. Some of my posts feature my son, who likes to explore the inner workings of indoor plumbing. It seemed to be met with hearty chuckles and pats on the back from my readers. Then the rug was pulled out from under my feet. I made the mistake of checking Google Analytics and it said my blog sucks. Sure, it didn’t use the word suck – but I knew what they were tiptoeing around. What do I do about this?

Sincerely,
Blindsided Blogger

Dear Lola

Dear Blindsided Blogger,

I have had my Mommybeast read me a few of your posts as research for my response. She had to stop a few times as I was laughing too hard to hear what she was saying. I may have even needed a few moments outdoors to relieve myself – nothing is more embarrassing than piddling on the carpet from excitement. Your readers are correct, your blog is very funny. So what shall we do about The Google?

Well, I think we need to ignore The Google. Obviously The Google was dropped on its head as a baby and doesn’t understand humor or sarcasm. Everyone can relate to having plumbing disasters when the Miniature Humans try to understand the workings of a toilet. I myself think it is magic, but I’ve never gotten a good enough peek to say for certain that the toilet has a fairy living inside of it, flushing when needed.

I also think we need to question users of The Google. Perhaps they are trying to find your blog but they keep getting distracted by cute dog pictures on the internet. I know my Mommybeast has a hard time staying focused – I’ve caught her cheating on me more than once. If you add an English Bulldog photo to your blog, you may see an increase in your daily traffic.* I would be happy to model for your camera if you need assistance.

In the meantime, ignore The Google. It really just tries to show off its superiority over humans by using confusing numbers.

♥Lola♥

*This is purely based on the premise that people cannot resist a squishy-faced puppy.

Send Lola your questions in the comments, or by clicking one of my social media links below!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much

 

33 replies on “Dear Lola – My blog sucks…”

  8. I remember being devastated when I first set up GA and realized that WP analytics had been counting bots and spammers as real people. Went from thinking I had 300 visitors a day to 30. really freed me up to start writing whatever TF I wanted from that point on though. #humpday

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  15. Back from #dreamteam. I was thinking about this post a few days ago when I had what I thought was a really good day, 97 users visiting the blog. The following day there was only 42 added onto my weekly total. GA can be a bit of a tease. Best not to worry about the numbers at all or we’ll go crazy

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  21. Cute dog spam is always a winner in my book – you’ve hit the nail on the head there Lola 😉 The Google sadly doesn’t know a good thing when it sees it… I reckon it just makes up stats anyway and we all blindly believe it! Keep making people laugh & I’d say you’re a total success #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Tell me what you think...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.