Today I turn 34. Now, some of you may find the prospect of aging to be scary, but I don’t. I find myself eagerly awaiting old age and all its glorious benefits. In case you are depressed about your own aging, here’s a list of a few things I’m looking forward to.
I could say whatever was on my mind.
People would chalk it up to my being senile. Think about that for just a moment! I could finally tell people what I think about their haircuts and clothing choices without risk of being throat punched. Because throat punching a crazy old lady is wrong and most people in society realize that.
I could drool on myself as I binge on Netflix.
I would just watch and chew, watch and chew, watch and chew. Drool would be on my shirt and I could blissfully ignore it because I was born in the 1900s and who are you to judge me?!
The best perk of aging is definitely going to be the milkshakes.
I plan on requesting milkshakes at every meal and when someone tells me to be healthy, I will snap back that I’ve made it this far and give me a damn shake. Then I will happily drink my dessert at seven in the morning and follow it up with a big slice of cake.
It’s going to be so exciting!
To ensure I don’t feel a moment’s hesitation over my new age, I went to Taco Bell at the stroke of midnight and made sure my first ‘Older Lady’ meal was the nacho cheesy goodness that always make me happy.
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much