Today I turn 34. Now, some of you may find the prospect of aging to be scary, but I don’t. I find myself eagerly awaiting old age and all its glorious benefits. In case you are depressed about your own aging, here’s a list of a few things I’m looking forward to.

I could say whatever was on my mind.

People would chalk it up to my being senile. Think about that for just a moment! I could finally tell people what I think about their haircuts and clothing choices without risk of being throat punched. Because throat punching a crazy old lady is wrong and most people in society realize that.

I could drool on myself as I binge on Netflix.

I would just watch and chew, watch and chew, watch and chew. Drool would be on my shirt and I could blissfully ignore it because I was born in the 1900s and who are you to judge me?!

The best perk of aging is definitely going to be the milkshakes.

I plan on requesting milkshakes at every meal and when someone tells me to be healthy, I will snap back that I’ve made it this far and give me a damn shake. Then I will happily drink my dessert at seven in the morning and follow it up with a big slice of cake.

It’s going to be so exciting!

To ensure I don’t feel a moment’s hesitation over my new age, I went to Taco Bell at the stroke of midnight and made sure my first ‘Older Lady’ meal was the nacho cheesy goodness that always make me happy.

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35 replies on “I don’t want to age gracefully…”

    1. Oh, that is so sweet! Hubster was cracking up that I waited until midnight when it was officially my birthday in order to go get my first Taco Bell as a 34-year-old. I’m so lucky he married me… He even knew about the Taco Bell habit before he did so!!

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  2. Too funny! And here’s one for you — we once went to a religious service and I nudged my husband and said “I smell fried chicken.” He said, “Don’t be silly.” We went back and forth like this a few times, then I decided I just had to know. So I got up and walked toward the back. Sure enough, there was an old lady sitting in the back row eating fried chicken! I thought, “You go, girl! There have to be some perks to aging!”

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  4. Hope you had a lovely birthday! This post is great 🙂 I thought I’d hate get older but it’s not that bad, I can’t wait to get to the stage where I can say exactly what I want and people laugh it off as just being an old lady. #humpdaylinky

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  8. Happy belated birthday Heather! I am so with you on this one. Shall we order shakes with 2 portions of cheesy chips just to be on the safe side, because you can never have enough chocolate and cheese. Love that you waited till midnight to order your taco bell. #DreamTeam x

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  15. This is exactly how feel! I shall be the crazy lady drinking gin and lying in her garden all day in her retirement! #blogcrush

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  17. Well I dont care to age gratefully- but I am all for the Botox, the boobs and whatever else I can get my hands on. Just cut half my butt off and call it a day.
    Thanks for linking up to #globalblogging

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