Recently I was challenged by another blogger to pick a group of “internet people” to obliterate on my blog. The goal was to offend them to the point that I went viral. I considered for a moment that there are so many groups of people who have it coming to them. The people who use terrible grammar and ridiculous spelling – because words are hard. Or the people who hate animal photos on Facebook. (You are the worst!)
Then I got to thinking about these degenerates and what would happen if I went on a verbal rampage against them and I obviously said no. Not because I’m a good person – I think that shipped sail when I laughed at the little kids falling down in daycare – but because I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of heat. My social media would get hacked, my blog would crash, and all those skeletons in my closet would spill out.
And it is really hard to shove those skeletons back in!
I decided to put together a few words that convey my thoughts and feelings on those Judgey McJudgersons who can do no wrong on the parenting front. Since this was what made my blogger friend want to rage against the machine, I decided to fight her battle while she cleaned up macaroni and cheese from the floor and wept softly.
To all those parents who are perfect (Yes, yes, yes, I see you are only feeding your kid organic, filtered air and the purest of coconut water – you are indeed amazing and all other parents suck. Please tell me again on Facebook…) I will leave you with these words:
I’m not a parent, but feel free to judge my parenting skills all you want. I’m positive you’ll find something to critique, like that time I held my dolly wrong and that’s why I suck as an adult. Or that one time I put a blanket over my Barbie and she died!
Since it is Mother’s Day here in the US, I wanted to leave you with a gentle reminder in case you decide the gifts you receive from your children this year are not good enough and retaliation is in order. (Mostly because I’m 33- until tomorrow- and I don’t think my mother is going to appreciate the macaroni art I did for her this year.)
Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: