Last night was a weird night. Hubster and Lola went to bed at their customary 10pm and I was left to my own devices until I got sleepy. Sometime past 1am, after several snacks, a cheesy yet awesome SyFy movie, a home improvement show or 3, and a comedy routine, I was finally ready for bed. I snuck into the bedroom like a ninja, if a ninja stubs their toe on the bed frame and hops around until they collapse in a heap on the edge of the bed. But I was in bed, that’s all that really mattered.

They really need to make a movie about a chubby ninja who can’t maneuver in the dark, I could be the stunt woman on set!

Fast-forward two hours and I’m still not sleeping. I got so desperate to accomplish something that I laid in bed and shopped on Amazon. I loaded a cart, hit pay and thought that accomplishment would help my mind tick off one more to do item on the list and I could ease into sleep.

There would be no easing on this night.

An hour later, I was on Amazon once again, thanks to the iPhone stationed close to the bed. Order number two was placed and the phone abandoned once again as I sought out sleep. Sleep that wasn’t coming.

By 4am Lola was over my ridiculous antics. She literally kicked my ribs until I left the bed. I’d like to say that I’m the owner and I rule the home, but that would be a lie. I left the bed and decided to do something worthwhile until I could actually sleep. After spending a few hours organizing my office, Hubster woke up for the day and ordered me to lie down and attempt to sleep. I fell into bed “for a short nap” and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I was awakened four hours later by the ringing of the doorbell. A doorbell that didn’t work when I moved into the home but I foolishly thought was worth fixing. I am regretting that decision and will be disconnecting wiring as soon as I’m sure I can stand on a ladder without falling off. So, I guess that would be never.

I obviously didn’t make it to the door to see who was there, my clumsy ninja routine also plays out when I leave the bed each morning. I did however check my email and like a drunken person looking at text messages from the night before, I am baffled by the things I bought on Amazon.

Nobody warned me about these pitfalls of my 30s.

A text graphic that says 'I thougt the drunk texting of my 20s were well behind me. Instead I wake up to emails from Amazon for purchases I made while sleepy.'

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much

42 replies on “Nightlife is different for those over 30…”

  1. That “buy now with one click” is very irresponsible if you ask me. There ought to be a “solve this algebra equation” verification required to ensure that a person is not in fact snooze purchasing. Otherwise I feel all purchases should be refunded with immediate effect hehe. Ps. I really want to know what you bought now! 😂 x #blogcrush

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    1. I actually have woken up the next morning and clicked the return button because I was so confused on why I ordered certain items. I have a blog post coming out next week about the items I bought during my sleep recently.

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  2. Haha I’m dreadful for buying stuff on Amazon. I always think “I’ll just have a look around because I might as well if I’m already paying for delivery” – oops! Fatal decision!

    #blogcrush

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  3. Haha it’s such an impluse on the Amazon click click I am not surprised. Whilst I was pregnant I suffered with insomnia quite a bit, and used to do xmas shopping at night but then totally forgot what i had orders. A few people got a stupid number of presents that year (and funnily my daughter was even born on xmas day) #blogcrush

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      1. Oh I have many drunken stories to tell 😂 the broken knee was from when I turned 21! I did 21 shot for 21 years (plus cocktails & mixers), was on the floor by 9:30pm…Rather that cut me off my best friend passes the vodka to the floor 🥃 I fell over multiple times 🙈 woke up covered in bruises I couldn’t explain with a knee that was black, 4 times the size of the other one & no longer bent (it was affectionately termed the elephant knee) and then I proprosed to the toilet 😂 Because I could not squat nor kneel to chunder

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    1. I’m ashamed to admit how many times I ordered from Amazon in March. Blog post out tomorrow where I confess all.

      I stay far, far away from Etsy. I went on ONCE and almost blew $1,000 on stuff “I needed”

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  9. Thank goodness I have someone not succumbed to online shopping since living in SA, but when in the UK I used to do a fair amount of 2nd hand book purchases.
    #globalblogging

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  10. Just popping back from #blogcrush – online shopping is just so easy. You just click and suddenly it appears at the door. If I had to actually get dressed and leave my house to get this stuff, I’d soon decide I didn’t need it that much after all! Haha. #blogcrush

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    1. That’s what happens to me! And all of the grocery stores in my areas now deliver straight to my door, it actually saves me money because I’m not wandering the cookie aisle buying everything I see.

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  11. It’s really scary how easy it is to buy things on amazon, who on earth thought ‘one-click’ ordering was a good idea! x #CandidCuddles

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  15. This sounds a very dangerous game maybe a lock and key for the phone lol fab post Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

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  18. I am a danger near any sort of device that I can use to buy ‘stuff’ anything will normally do as long as a purchase is made. How things change, It used to just be a saturday morning when I went into town that I could get my shopping fix;)
    Mainy
    #dreamteam

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  21. Oh the things we find ourselves ordering on amazon when we are tired – would love to know what arrived! Oh how times have changed for sure. That’s a serious lack of sleep though – I couldn’t survive! #BigPinkLink

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    1. I ordered new bedding, and I’m glad I did because it was something I would not have picked out when well rested but I really love it. I also ordered myself some beautiful pens from a German company. I ordered some baskets for my bathroom, a bunch of wooden boards to stain and hang up throughout my house. And I ordered snack food. I’m going to stop here before I look like a hoarder.

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  22. Amazon and being able to shop on our phones is dangerous, far too easy to order the most random and useless things at times of weakness! Hope you’ve slept better since lovely. Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x

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  23. On line shopping is lethal! When you don’t have to hand over any cash it doesn’t feel like it costs anything, and then I look at my bank statement and want to cry! #eatsleepblogRT

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  25. You crack me up. Your exploits never fail to delight me. If you start a chubby ninja and drunken Amazon shopping club, I’m in. Thanks for linking to #EatSleepBlogRT. If you don’t come back next week I’ll be really disappointed 😉 x

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