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Here are 26 things you may or may to know about me. If you know them all, you probably need to have someone ready to post bail since you obviously spend too much time with me and will inevitably end up in a Taco Bell related incident at some point.

A- ALWAYS talking. Seriously, do I ever take a breath?!

B- BANANAS are awesome. For exactly one day. I don’t care how many strange looks I get at the store, I only want the one banana from the bunch.

C- CATS suck big time. I used to like them as a kid, you know, when you’re naturally fearless and think you’ll live forever. Now I’m terrified they will claw my eyes out and bite me just for walking past them. Also, CHEESE is my best friend.

D- DOGS are the best. See L for more info.

E- EARS. I’m deaf and I hate wearing my hearing aids, I’m not trying to yell at you. Unless you stole my cheese, in which case I am yelling at you.

F- FOOD. Enough said.

G- GYOZA. How many gyoza can you eat in a meal? My record was 17 and I had to lie down afterwards. I’ll never do it again due to the very real risk that I’ll end up hating them for life.

H- HUMOR. I live it, love it, breathe and eat it.

I- ITALIAN food. Get in my belly. Also, I’m Italian so I guess this one is dual-purposed.

J- JAMMIES. Also know as pajamas, PJs, or sleepwear. Hubster is convinced I want to be a stay at home writer just for the wardrobe. He’s right, but I can’t tell him that!

K- KETCHUP. It should be a food group. Sometimes I base an entire dinner around my desire for ketchup. The worst moments (for those around me) are when I order a steak at a nice restaurant and then put ketchup on it. Hey, I am paying for that meal and if all I really want is ketchup then maybe consider making it socially acceptable to eat it with a spoon. Until then, I need steak to dip in it!!!

L- LOLA is pretty much all that matters. That and oxygen.

M- MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY. Even my anatomy demanded it be an individual!

N- NACHO CHEESE. They invented cheese. It was good. Then they made it drinkable…entire paychecks have been lost to Taco Bell and their cheesy concoctions.

O- ORGANIZED. Do you remember the Nintendo game guides I made, back before game guides existed?!?! More spreadsheets please!

P- POLITICIAN. Judging by my Heatherisms, I’m sure I would have saved the world from itself by now.

Q- QUIZZICAL. Because nosy sounds rude.

R- READING. I read so much that I wore out the page turn button on my first Kindle and had to buy a new one.

S- SHANK. Have you noticed the title of this blog?! Also SPAM.

T- TACO BELL and TWINKIES. I can’t live without either. I once had to choose between the two until the Hubster finally gave in a bought me both. He said adults shouldn’t cry when making food choices, but I disagree. Adults shouldn’t have to choose, that’s why we all turn 18- food freedom!

U- UNFORGETTABLE. You know how you meet someone and you can’t quite place them so you have to ask them how you know them? Yeah, no one has ever said that about me. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but they don’t run away screaming so I’m going to assume the positive.

V- VICTORY. Because no one wants to lose, even if they say it’s ok. Inside, they are burning up with hatred and becoming the world’s next supervillain.

W- WHITE CASTLE. I miss you tiny hamburgers from New Jersey.

X- X-RAY. I’ve spent a lot of time taking pictures of my bones thanks to feet that try to kill me every time I stand.

Y- YOUNG-ish. Someone called me ma’am the other day. I would be upset about it but he was handing me my Taco Bell order. Nacho cheese solves every world problem.

Z- ZAZZLE. Thank goodness I opened my own Zazzle store or I wouldn’t have known what to put here.


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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: