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We have had some excitement here in my area of Washington State. Two days ago we had an earthquake. Now, generally we don’t get squirrely about earthquakes in this area because we get tiny rumbles every so often. However, in the five years I’ve lived here, I’ve never felt a rumble at all. Sure, the news tells me it happened after the fact, but I didn’t actually know it was happening at the time. This was not the case this week.

It all started during TV time with Lola and Hubster. Everyone was snacking and enjoying life to its fullest. And then a ghastly event began to unfold. We felt what we thought was a big truck humming by our house. But the big truck jiggly feeling increased until we were leaning forward and looking about us with a “DO WE RUN OR DIE HERE” look on our faces. Luckily, before Lola and I could completely devolved into a panic, we were distracted by a dull groaning noise.

It wasn’t Hubster. He was sitting calmly next to us as Lola and I worked ourselves into a frenzy. We were ready to pack our go gear and evacuate to new lands.

The groaning noise sounded like the Earth was opening up to swallow us whole. Hubster claimed I was hearing the curio cabinet right next to me as it rattled away. But to that I say NO! I heard that rattling noise, and it was distinctly different from the groaning – not to mention one sound came from the left and one came from the right. Hubster may say I’m crazy, but even Lola whipped her head from the curio cabinet rattle to the other side of the house at the same time I did and began to ferociously bark a warning.

I may be partially deaf, but the dog backs up that my hearing did not fail me this time.

As Lola frantically barked and growled to warn the Earth not to fuck with her family, it all stopped. I immediately set out to see if the Earth had opened up a chasm into another realm right in my front yard. Which would be unfortunate since my septic tank is there. If there was a portal into another realm though, I had serious decisions to make. Like should I pack Twinkies before Lola and I stepped into another realm, just in case they didn’t have those on the other side.

A survival strategy outlining the plan

A note from your fearless author: If you aren’t following me on any of my social media accounts, you really should. I decided the only way to plan my Earthquake Survival Strategy was to watch San Andreas starring The Rock. I live streamed all my witty humor as I tried to learn how I was to survive if the big earthquake hits. Though I feel like the movie didn’t prepare me for one big roadblock in my survival plan – I live between two volcanoes and scientists have said when the big quake hits, both volcanoes will erupt. So if Mount Saint Helens and Mount Hood could please hold it together, The Rock says I’ll need about 2 hours to survive the Earthquake Apocalypse.

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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much