You know that life changing moment as a parent when you step on a Lego and your life flashes before your eyes? You end up hopping on one foot and cursing, before finally collapsing on the floor. As you curl up in the fetal position, holding your bleeding appendage, you decide that you will throw out every offending piece of plastic that ever dared to enter your home. This is your safe haven and you refuse to be tortured in your home by some menacing evil bent on destroying the world. Never again will you be branded with a Lego!!!
I found the dog equivalent of stepping on a Lego.
Lola booby-trapped our home this weekend with her plastic chewing bones. As I worked to clean the house, the dog toys plotted their attack on my life. I was making the turn into our living room when it happened…BAM! I stepped on a toy that had been chewed down to nubs on either end.
A molten flow of lava draping across my skin could not have hurt me more than this tiny, plastic, designed for fun, toy. I went down. I grasped my foot while vowing to end the lives of anyone who had a hand in making this ridiculously lethal weapon and smacking an “appropriate for puppies” label on it. Puppies? Puppies?! God in Heaven, this inhumane weapon of mass destruction could bring the world’s rotation to an end!!!
As I am writhing on the floor in agony, Lola comes out from the back room.
Finally, someone will give me some sympathy. I’ve earned it after this incredibly painful torture was inflicted upon my innocent self. Kisses, hugs, maybe I’ll even get a belly rub from my precious Lola.
Lola lies down with another plastic bone and begins sharpening her next weapon.
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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much
Perhaps Lola has been watching too much Orange is the New Black. Oh kids, …Feel better!
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I knew she was streaming my Netflix when I wasn’t home!
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I have a few phone bills 💵 with Gatsby and Lola. But that is worthy!
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I normally just tread on the dogs! Isn’t it crazy how such small objects can inflict so much pain? Alison x #bigpinklink
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It felt like I had been stung by a jellyfish!
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Oh I HATE those plastic bones! We don’t get them anymore for very similar reasons 😂 I hope your foot survived.
#BigPinkLink
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Those are the worst. I used to see my Rottweiler chewing one and think… isn’t that just shredding your gums? It was painful to watch, let one stand on. #bigpinklink
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Based on how bad it hurt my foot, I don’t see how she can chew on those things!
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Ouch! No pets here so no plastic bones but the Lego and teeny tiny My Little Ponies are enough! #DreamTeam
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Owwch!! I can feel your pain through the t’internet! I have stepped on lego and I can fully appreciate the damage that a well chewed dog toy can inflict. Wine is he answer my friend. Very much wine. #DreamTeam x
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I’m going to need a case of it!
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Ha ha, it’s amazing how sharp these things can get! I refuse to buy them now, poor dogs x
#DreamTeam
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I threw away the worst offenders, Lola looks pretty upset with me.
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Poor Lola, but then she won’t get many walks if your feet are mutilated so it’s for her own good too 😁
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I love your writing style!! And this actually made me laugh a lot, I do apologise for my sadistic and inappropriate sense of humour, but it doesn’t look as though it’s going to change anytime soon!! I loved the being ‘branded’ by a lego-that is exactly what it’s like! I flipping hate the stuff, and can’t wait until it’s banished from our house for ever. I have never (thankfully by the sounds of it,) experienced stepping on a dog toy-I have long since given up on the idea of a dog, as one more thing to look after would make me have nightmares and probably lose my mind! I groan when people buy me flowers, because the extra responsibility for their lives, is just too much! Chuck out the dog toys with the lego, I say!
#bigpinklink
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I love your sadistic and inappropriate sense of humor, it perfectly matches mine! I did throw out all those toys and it made me feel so good! Sadly, it made the dog feel so bad.
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Reblogged this on Suzie Speaks and commented:
Ever stepped on a Lego? Really amusing post from Heather… Please don’t like or comment my reblog – hop on over to her blog and say hello!
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Ouch! And how about those random dog toys that you step on and go flying over. I feel your pain lol. Thank you for sharing with the #Dreamteam
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I’m sorry to laugh! Your dog is diabolical. #globalblogging
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She really is!
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Yes! Plastic bones really are asshole!
Thanks for linking up to #globalblogging
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But how can you stay cross with a face like that? Lola just does it to keep your life interesting. So funny. #globalblogging
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Ouch!! Lego hasn’t hit my house yet, but tiny plastic dinosaurs have and, oh god, they hurt to step on!! Thanks for linking to #GlobalBlogging
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Not much hurts worse than that. Gatsby has a few, and oh, there have been injuries sustained. #globalblogging xo
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Those bones really are a weapon of mass destruction!
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mr t may deploy them
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At least it went in your foot and not in her belly?
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Very true!
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