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There has been a terrifying development in the life of the Heather. (That’s me, in case you are lost on the internet and just stumbled in here while drunk. Welcome!) I made myself a grilled cheese and my entire world tilted sideways.

I took the first bite of my grilled cheese and it was gross. Uh oh. What’s happening here?! I took a second bite and it was just as gross. Ok, nobody panic, I’m sure my love of grilled cheese is still intact. Heck, I just had one at Yellowstone and I really recommend you stop in for a bite when you’re in the area. You could also see some bison and a geyser erupt, but the grilled cheese is the real attraction!

I head to the kitchen to throw out the offending grilled cheese and decide to make another one, just in case the first one was made incorrectly. (This is where you laugh because how can you possibly make it incorrectly when you’ve been making them for 30 years. Cheese, bread, butter. You never know though, maybe the butter was too heavy and the bread too dry and maybe, just maybe, the cheese wasn’t laid on in the perfect place. I need hope and you’re not taking it from me!) So I remake the grilled cheese and bite into it with vigor.

It was disgusting.

Now is the time to panic!!! How can this be? Why has this happened? Isn’t it bad enough I’ve had my abdomen ripped apart by two major organs in a mutiny?!

Someone, quick! Get me to a bowling alley for a grilled cheese so I can correctly gauge if it’s time I just gave up in life. Without my precious grilled cheese there is no point; I might as well wear sweatpants and stained t-shirts and bathe only once a week. It may be time for a trip home to Hawai’i before I turn into a shell of my former self and become unrecognizable to those who know me best.

Heatherism #30

I’m very worried for my future…What will I seek out to restore my faith in humanity?!?!

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