I would like to tell you a story about a party I was invited to. This wasn’t your typical party; it was a Facebook party…for leggings. You may have heard about this company, LuLaRoe, they are the new leader in leggings. Apparently, you won’t walk around wondering if you split your pants and didn’t know it because they are nice and thick. But you know there is a catch, there is always a catch.
LuLaRoe is sold through consultants. Not so bad, right? I mean, Tupperware and Pampered Chef have consultants and they manage just fine. Then it gets worse. These consultants don’t have a website full of merchandise to back them up if everyone wants the same item. You see, LuLaRoe only makes 3,000 of each pattern and it is spread amongst various sizes. And then shipped to various consultants.
Obviously, you can see where I’m going with this.
You end up with every consultant having a different selection in styles, sizes, and patterns. Then these consultants ask friends to host a party. Those friends invite people, most likely their own friends, to a party online. And then those friends devolve into wild animals…with rabies…as they attempt to write the word sold underneath the picture before anyone else.
By the end of the party, you have no friends left.
I myself, spent the week prior to the party threatening people with shanks, blindness, and eventual retaliation if they tried to get the colors and sizes I wanted. During the party I was equipped with a cellphone app and a computer, ready to refresh until my thumbs fell off. The photos were posted…
I screamed out SOLD in all caps as fast as I could while scrolling for more colors and refreshing my browser every three seconds. Those pictures came up fast! There was a moment when one of my closest friends, dare I say best friend, wanted the same color as I did. In the same size. It was mayhem. The bloodlust was all around me and I was snarling like a hyena, but I managed to find my humanity, just a scrap of it, and I offered her a pair. Anyone else would have lost a hand.
I was also texting and messaging people during the party. You know, things they needed to know. Like:
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I WIN BITCHES!!!!!
And the even more classy:
Screw these kid leggings. No one wants kids. Where are the adult leggings?? COME ON!!!
Then I did the unthinkable. I texted a fellow party goer with this little gem:
I would have choked you out for those colors. I refreshed like the Big Bang cast during the comic con episode.
So, I’d like to take this moment to warn you against LuLaRoe. One, you will keep your friends and two, because that means more legging options for me and mine. I’m not really sure if I still have friends left, but I guess it doesn’t matter because I got the colors I wanted.
I’d also like to take a moment to thank my thumbs. You guys worked really hard tonight. I’m rewarding you with easy to eat finger foods for dinner. No hard metal forks requiring you to hold them.
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