I hate summer with a passion…

I’d like to clarify that it’s not all of summer that I hate. I loathe the heat. I despise sweating, hence my avoidance of all manual labor outside of a building with air conditioning. There is nothing worse to me than sweating in the hot, hot summer weather.

I frankly don’t know how people like this season.

My personal theory is that summer lovers are hedging their bets on being sent to hell – they figure they will build up their heat tolerance and convince themselves that summer sweating is awesome.

Do you honestly think there’s no air conditioning up in that palace in the sky?!

I remember visiting Florida multiple times growing up. Every day during summer vacation I would have to take a nap just to avoid being sick and grumpy for the entire vacation. Do you know how ridiculous it is to be 16 years old and have your dad make you take a nap in the RV air conditioning while your mom and brothers are still riding the rides at Disney?! Do you know how that felt?! 

I MISSED OUT ON MICKEY MOUSE SHAPED CHURROS!

And let’s not even get me started on the more than 12 visits to New Jersey during summer, always summer because my parents wanted to test me and my violent resistance to anything hot. These visits always resulted in me being sent to bed during daylight hours because I had completely melted down in the heat and decided to lay waste to the people of earth with my vengeance.

The people of Earth had that shit coming for not keeping me in air conditioning!

I loved visiting the Southwest. Arizona and Nevada were my favorite places to vacation. Sure, it’s hot. Hotter than the bowels of hell, actually. But there is no sweating. None. I even took a walk at midday and didn’t sweat. I did get completely dehydrated resulting in my being sent to bed early. But at least I didn’t sweat.

The people of Earth were safe.

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