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Do you know what happens when the military rolls out a new website?

Fucking anarchy.

I can only imagine what this website would look like if it were designed by Google or Facebook or the people who brought us Twitter. It would probably run. And let me log in. And I bet I could actually upload pictures.

Basically, this new site will allow me, the home daycare provider, to connect directly with parents who need care. This replaces the middleman who used to communicate between the two parties.

But that’s only if I can figure out how to de-tech myself and use what can only be described as ancient methods of scroll down menu after scroll down menu.

I feel like my iPhone 6+ was taken away and I’ve got a tin can and a fucking string…but no other can!!!

The military should have made this shit like Twitter. In 140 characters or less, the parents would tell me why I should choose them. And I could upload my provider profile in 140 characters or less. Mine would read:

U need daycare-I’ve got the only spot-there’s another 100 kids on the list. How bad do you want me to choose u?! P.S. I like cheese…& GO!

It would be funny to see the hashtags these poor parents would come up with.

#desperate #MoneyIsNoObject #DearGodHelpMe #TheNavyDemandsMyPresence #MyBabyNeverCries #IOwnStockInKraft #DoYouLikeGouda #BlueCheeseCanBeArranged #DearSweetBabyJesusPickMeSoIDontLoseMyJob