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I have used my Kindle so often and for so many years that it has finally decided to quit life. Things aren’t in dire shape yet, but if I don’t get a new one for Christmas there is a very real possibility that I will shank someone. And that someone will be the Hubster. He knows he must buy me one and keep me happily reading or I’ll be up to no good in mere days.

So, what’s broken about it? Well, apparently I use the page turning button. A lot. I have the very first Kindle they came out with; it has a full keyboard with buttons below the screen. This is special since they have since converted over to a Kindle with a touchscreen keyboard and no buttons.

And I think it’s awful.

I’m really sad about my Kindle, I love the feel of the real buttons when I’m browsing through the bookstore. It’s a conundrum because in every other area of my life I want the newest technology with the most streamlined look. But not for my Kindle. I had no idea I was so sentimental. 

I called Amazon and explained the problem, the pages keep flipping forward as I read. The gentleman I spoke to said that my button is sticking and he offered me a solution. He said to pry off the forward button that is causing the problems. I know which one it is, it’s the forward button on the left side of the screen. I always use that one since I hold my books lefty.

Apparently if I pry this button off the Kindle, I can still use the other forward button on the right side of the screen. I asked if it would work and he said it should. And then he offered me the next best thing if that didn’t work.

A hammer.

This is my kind of guy. Breaking technology that is going haywire is my forte.

So I went online and toured the new Kindle devices and I’ve decided I need the new Kindle Voyage. Mostly for the name. A little bit for the features. Fuck sentimentality, this new Kindle battery will last months longer than my stupid old Kindle battery.

I’ll never have to curse and shank the gods for letting my battery die in the middle of a great book ever again!!!!

Only downside I can see, there is no white Kindle option any more. I always get white and the Hubster always gets black. And now Navy seabag packing just got interesting as the Hubster runs around scooping up any piece of technology in black.

This is like the Wii U purchase all over again!! I LIKE WHITE!! Damn these companies, charge me more if you have to, just give me a white option. Don’t get me used to the option and then rip it away when you come out with an upgrade.

Screw it. I’m jamming a piece of plastic under the button and keeping on with my white Kindle. Apparently, like Nintendo, I just love my original too much to get rid of it.

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouVeryMuch 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @shankyouheather 

Lola and I opened a store so we can hopefully cover the world in her Bulldog face, check it out at Shank You Very Much