So my Tiny Little is defined as tiny due to her age. Physically, she’s quite the little chunkster. I mean, she’s three months old and she’s bigger than her six month old playmates.
She’s chunky and my back knows it daily.
This weekend she learned how to roll from her back to her front. And she promptly realized that this is why chunky kids don’t roll over.
Her ribs are all smushed, her belly is squished to the point where her precious milk comes out and she gets so exhausted it’s all she can do to keep breathing. But she wants to sleep on her belly now that she figured out how to roll.
So the first nap of the day came and the Little rolled onto her belly and started squirming in discomfort. I went over and pulled her rear end up so she could get her knees underneath her.
She slept for a few hours but awoke with the reddest nose and wrinkled face I’ve ever seen on a baby. So at nap time number two we tried to get her sleeping with her face on its side and her butt in the air. That way we could avoid that pug faced look from earlier and any dislocated ribs due to her weight pressing down in ways it never has before.
I’m telling you, none of my skinny Littles have ever had the kind of problems my chunky Littles all seem to have.
So during the nap, every time her face would turn into the mattress she’d start snorting and fighting like a wildebeest. Finally she managed to fall into a deep sleep with her butt up in the air and her face out of the mattress.
And then it all went wrong.
Her butt fell with a huge thud. It may have even caused a small earthquake that resulted in a Tsunami heading towards my hometown in Hawaii. It was just that loud and violent sounding.
Screaming ensued, great big bellows of outrage came out of the crib and her chunky little majesty demanded someone be beheaded for the crimes committed against her.
You can’t reason with these Littles. I tried to tell her that her butt just fell, but she didn’t believe me. I tried cuddling her but she pushed me away. I finally put her in the bouncy and as I buckled her in she demanded a Twinkie and a Coke Zero if I valued my life.
I will make a sacrifice to appease the gods of fat kids.
P.S. I’ll mail a cookie to the first person to leave the correct answer of why the title made sense even though the post wasn’t about goats.
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