Lola and I had a kersnuffle today. That’s a term we like to use in polite company.
It has been hotter than hell here in Washington state. And before all you people start complaining that it is much hotter where you are we’d both like you to take a shut the hell up pill.
Lola and I adore the winter. We never once posted “come on summer, get here” on our social media. We never said “man, it’s so cold, where’s the sun” like a bunch of the morons did. We never, ever want to see the sun or feel the heat of a summer. We’re a bit like vampires I guess. Either way, if you ever wished for warmer weather on social media we’d like you to go shank yourself, because you brought this plague to us both. So, one fat kid and one English bulldog are trying to stay alive with no air conditioner because Navy housing kind of sucks in that regard. I asked for permission to install, they denied it. And I live right near their building, they’d see it if I went rogue and installed something anyways. Not to mention the electric bill that we cannot afford since we get billed when we use more than the neighbors.
I did try to get all my neighbors on board to get their own AC units that way when the bills came out they would see us all using the same amount of electricity. But it didn’t work out and I’m not happy about it.
So back to the kersnuffle.
I wanted Lola to move away from me. She wanted me to move away from her. Neither one of us fat kids wanted to do the actual moving because it was just too hot. So I pushed Lola and she decided it was time to lay down the law. She climbed onto my lap and sat her fat butt down. So I pushed her off and moved a few inches over.
Lola is officially pissed off at me for moving her. She shimmies (and that was a sight to watch, a bulldog shimmy!) over to me and she lies her whole body against my leg. So I scoot over a few inches more. Now Lola gets up and tries to sit on me again. But I’m smarter than she thinks, I go sit on my computer chair. And Lola walks away.
Nope. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL?!?!?! She left a present. It was silent, deadly and lingered for a hell of a long time.
If she wasn’t so cute, she’d be dead. Look at that face!!
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