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I cannot believe I am awake right now.

What is it, 5am?

What the heck is the problem here?

Humans wake up, humans take showers, Lola’s sleep.

I mean, how hard is it to keep it down in the morning?!

I wish there were a squirrel here in bed with me. Just one who wouldn’t mind the occasional chase. But just on the bed, I don’t want to have to work too hard.

I wonder if they’re going to feed me today.

I want Spam. And cheese. I want cheese flavored Spam. I love Spam.

Peanut butter could taste pretty good right now. I love…

Uh oh.

I better get my I’m going to poop face ready.

I wonder what would happen if I just pooped on the bed.

I mean, they can’t kill me.

If we had a cat I could blame it on that but since we don’t I wonder if the Daddybeast will believe that the President pooped on his side of the bed.

Nah, Daddybeast knows the President would walk to the toilet.

But maybe the President will believe that the Daddybeast pooped on her side of the bed.

Not sure. Maybe if I wiggle my butt to the edge of the bed I can successfully poop on the floor.

Where are those stupid humans?!?!?!

I am dying here.

I mean, seriously, I have tiny legs and a huge ribcage. How the hell do they expect me to get off this high bed all by myself?!?

Well, I guess I’m going to poop on the bed.

And this is precisely when I walked in and found Lola with a desperate look on her face. We hustled it outside just in time.

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