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Have you ever read an article that is dressed up as “news” and by the end you are so lost, angry, frustrated or gobsmacked that you realize you just wasted ten whole minutes of your life on garbage?

This is not one of those times. But it is about one of those times.

I just ordered a new pair of pants from Gap. Now, we all know I love the Gap. I walk in and I just go a little bit nuts. Yesterday I read an article on a mainstream “news site” that says if I am over the teen part of life that I cannot shop at the Gap anymore. 

Well hell, now there’s no joy in my life. I will live in my pajamas.

First, do I look like I am trying too hard to be young? Is no one telling me this? Why wouldn’t they tell me this if it were happening?!? I may need new friends. Silly me, I thought a great pair of jeans was a great pair of jeans. I had no idea that straight up dark denim with no bells and whistles meant that I was a teenager.

I guess us old folks have to wear cotton with elastic. 30 is a rough age.

Second, those models are all over the age of this professional fashion author blogger’s opinion on what age can rock Gap clothing. Silly Gap corporate, guess they didn’t get the memo that they should only appeal to the ages of 13-19. The Gap even has a line of business wear and, despite what the professional fashion author blogger who got a big head says, last time I checked, there weren’t many teenagers going to the office.

But there were a lot of teenagers wearing Old Navy and smoking pot, not giving a shit what adults wear.

Third, if these clothes are all targeted for teens we have got to step back as a society and question why so many party dresses are being aimed at teens. They aren’t going to cocktail hour, they don’t need a little black dress with a flirty hemline. And they sure as shit don’t need to have their breasts spilling out of a deeply cut v-neck. We reserve those clothes for the “old ladies” who drink too much wine and show a bit too much as they walk out of a party.

And why the fuck is there a maternity line?!?! Has teen pregnancy blossomed so much that we are targeting it with their own clothing lines?!? I really have to read the news more often. I still thought we encouraged our youth to develop a life plan, establish themselves financially and emotionally and THEN have a kid.

But maybe I was wrong. I mean, this was an article by a professional fashion author blogger.

So I just have one thing to say to this professional fashion author blogger. Go shank yourself. I just ordered floral jeans from Gap that has so much pattern you know someone will get eye strain.

And that’s when I realized I wasted ten minutes of my life reading the article and pondering if people were pointing and laughing as I rocked my Gap denim and shirts. At least I realized one thing about myself from this wasted time. I don’t care. Huh. How about that? The professional fashion author blogger has literally no purpose in life than to waste everyone’s time.

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