I am the master of my own bladder….

Disclaimer: No Lolas were hurt in the making of this post.

Sometimes Lola wakes up feeling like a piggy. Sometimes she feels like a cow. Other times she wakes up feeling like a groundhog and tries to burrow back into the covers on the bed. Today she woke up just a tad bit…heavier.

I realized Lola had become a dead weight hippo when my arms went completely numb and I began to have difficulty breathing. I managed to wake up before I died and proceeded to try to move the hippo while my arms were numb and with no help from said hippo. Lola did the limp noodle and I failed.

I fell off the bed.

Stupid numb arms. Stupid hippo. Stupid everything that is making me wake up early on a weekend!

I waited a few minutes for my arms to come back to life before trying to pry the Lola out of the bed. I had to get her moving before she was no longer master of her bladder.

Just as I started to lift the limp hippo, Lola turned into a damn tiger. She was everywhere! She was jumping and dancing, having a blast keeping her chunky bulldog body from getting snatched off the bed.

And for just a moment, a tiny moment, I considered going back to bed and letting the waterproof mattress protector do its job.

I managed to get her off the bed and herded her towards the outdoors. She was dragging all four paws when suddenly, halfway down the hallway, she hit the berserk button. She tore around the house at top speed while FREAKING out. Her eyes were wide, she was making hacking “I’m going to die if I don’t get air right now” noises and refusing to slow down and watch for walls.

She finally hit a wall hard enough to slow her down and she turned to look at me just as her bladder let go.

Thank god for tile.

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