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Have you ever been told off by a child under 2? I have, and I must say that it’s part hysterical and part infuriating all at the same time. You spend minutes just trying to overcome the urge to laugh in the face of the Little who knows how to use a random word, that doesn’t even exist, and get the message across that you are an asshole who needs to disappear. Then, when you succeed in resisting that laughter, you are hit with a fury that some Little is giving you attitude worthy of a reality tv cast member.

The Big Little has a new thing he does whenever I have to give him a direction or ask him to do something he doesn’t like. He responds with, “pa-tew pa-tew.” In adult terms that means, “fuck off lady!”

Today I asked the Big Little to stop stepping on his friend’s head. It was a pretty reasonable request considering his friend was crying and desperately trying to get away. However, instead of listening to me, the Big Little stared me down while continuing to step on his friend’s head. I asked him again to get off his friend and I was unprepared for the response I received.

The Big Little looked me dead in the eyes and said, “pa-tew pa-tew!” He then proceeded to jump on his friend’s back and that’s when chaos broke out. KABOOM! My brain exploded within my skull as I jumped into action. I removed the Big Little from the situation, and as he screamed he was interjecting “pa-tew pa-tews” at an amazing rate.

Once I finally managed to calm the Big Little down, I repeated that he had to be gentle with his friends. I thought I would get compliance, but the toddler brain will never, ever, give in to an adult request. He whispered “pa-tew pa-tew.” And that’s when I decided it was time to show the Big Little what the word consequence meant. I took everyone to the other side of the baby gate and we played while he sat at the bars staring at us. When I said we would come back if he’d be gentle, the Big Little wisely agreed to comply.

I narrowly won this round, but I don’t get a nap to refresh for the second half of the day and I fear the next round will be his.

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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: