Days like today leave me considering other career options.
1) I’m going to go on strike until I get $20 per hour
2) I’m going to become a Vodka connoisseur and teach people how to pair it with Twinkies for the perfect mood lifter.
Either way, I’m done for the day. And it’s only nap time…
I will buy you and eat you, you delicious bastards.
Today actually started out pretty pleasant and it gave me hope for the Future of America. I had dreams that I would have my senior citizen diapers changed, Spam until I turned 100, and even hang onto my civil rights.
By nap time I was pretty sure I was going to die alone in a dumpster with no Twinkies, a victim of the children I could not teach.
The Big and Medium Little were dancing and playing and life was great. As I am videotaping them for their parent’s enjoyment, Little #1 approaches Little #2 and just cracks her over the head with a toy. It just blew my mind! Usually I can tell violence is about to erupt- I can spot a sniper Little at a thousand yards.
This one got right past me.
Before I can even intervene we had a full-out brawl. Little #2 came right back at #1 and used a Weeble Wobble as a weapon. Pretty fucking effectively, I might add. The Littles are now engaged in deadly combat and there are serious amounts of baby chub being punished. I finally get them apart, take a damn Weeble to my mouth (FUCK, that hurts!) and place them in cribs while I clean up my bleeding mouth.
As I walk back from the bathroom, the irony of the crib placement is not lost on me. In the square room that is our daycare, the two cribs are caddy corner to one another- much like a boxing ring. I wonder if subconsciously the Littles are picking up on that vibe???
After a 5 minute cool off period where everyone reads a book, the Littles settle into cohabitation once again. And they were awesome. They must have known one more face hit and I was going to turn into the Mean Giant and they would NEVER, EVER have another fresh-baked cookie EVER again!
And now it is nap time and the tiniest Little wants to make sure no one ever sleeps again….
I will repeat this mantra until the kids fall asleep.
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Lola and I opened a store so we can hopefully cover the world in her Bulldog face, check it out at Shank You Very Much