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and won.

For three weeks Lola has been contemplating Christmas. She has valiantly fought her fear of our tiny Christmas tree. She helped put stockings up and resisted the urge to rip them down and kill them. She even managed to ignore the toy box of squeaky toys she could visually see on the top of the tree pile.

And yesterday she finally snapped.

Daddybeast came in and woke Lola up as the President happily ran down the hall while yelling for her stocking. Lola was confused by all the activity and after peeing she ran to her food bowl. And there was no Daddybeast or President following to ensure the food bowl got food.

She wanders back over and begins to jump around trying to figure out what she has to kill to make us all calm down and feed her. As we tear into our gifts she begins to get more stressed and excited as she lunges at wrapping paper, ribbon, various body parts…

Nothing was safe, everything had potential murder in its soul. “You see the little piece of scotch tape? That thing may be the source of the evil in my home, I must kill it…I shall lick it up.”

I hand down one of her toys and she immediately hones in on the kill. She begins to destroy every toy we bought for her. I’ve never seen anything like it. She was a rabid tiger let loose in a petting zoo. She dragged toys on a wild race around the house, things got knocked over, people got their shins bruised.

It was glorious.

And today she has declared a national holiday so she can lie down and take a nap.

Meanwhile the President will be shopping for next year’s presents.


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I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much

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