I walked in to Costco to buy bananas. $78.16 later and I own the priciest bananas I ever thought I would buy. So let’s review the items that Costco forced me to purchase just by placing their store in the best/worst layout that a fat kid ever had to walk through.
Butter croissants (I can eat 2 of these warm from the microwave as I wait for the rest of my breakfast to cook.)
Alfredo sauce (And what do I need alfredo sauce for? Good question.)
Tri-color seven cheese tortellini (They took a veggie pasta and made it kill you with cheese. Heaven.)
Pesto sauce (Again, why do you need more sauce?) Because…that tortellini was a two pack – that’s 96 ounces of sheer delight! For the mathematically challenged, that equates to six pounds of tortellini I didn’t even want to purchase!)
Burritos (Because you need something to eat while you wait for your real meal to cook – hence the 1.5 minute microwave burrito. Place in microwave, fill your pot with water for tortellini, and eat your burrito which is now done.)
Macaroni and cheese balls (Costco put all my favorite food groups, cheese and carbs, into one delicious mouthful.)
Tiny Hebrew National hot dogs wrapped in crescent dough (Because I can. And because I want to eat the whole box while waiting for Jason to finish playing Playstation and take me out to dinner. And because it saves lives to keep this fat kid fed.) Oh, and multiply the box of tiny hotdogs by three…that’s right, I bought 3 boxes. I hadn’t had dinner and I was grumpy. Like I said, lives need to be saved.
Bananas
See that at the bottom? Those are the $78.16 bananas I was talking about. Costco really knows how to place food to entice fat kids. We want to do good – eat healthy, buy produce, live long – but Costco puts so much stuff in front of the produce, that by the time I actually get to the produce, my cart is full and I don’t want to pay for pricey fruit. It’s cheaper to eat the Twinkies in my cart. Twinkies, which through sheer willpower I was able to avoid purchasing on this trip. (Alright, I’ll fess up, it’s because they were too far away and I was too lazy to walk to that aisle. I need therapy.)
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I do not know what I got all over my NWU pants. It is either bird crap, or the Hot peanut butter/fudge bowl of ice cream I ate last night on the couch. There was not enough ice cream left in the ice cream container so I added broken up bits of two reeses klondike bars. Luckily, the NWU pattern was evidently made to cover ice cream, hot fudge, peanut butter, bird shirt stains so I am good…what are we talking about?
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Ice cream…When the FUCK did we get ice cream?!?!?
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There is no more Ice Cream, only the scum in the bucket.
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“Fuck my life, I have been foresaken…”
Lmao!!!!
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the frenchie can come home with me !!
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Ok, just get him the therapy he needs!
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They definitely know what they’re doing when they design the layouts of their stores. It’s like me when I go to Target. right in the front are the $1, 3$, 5$ bins. I don’t need any of that stuff but somehow I end up walking out with something from that section, LOL! Popping over from #momsterlink
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Thank you for reading! Those target bins get me every.single.time. I just went to Target for batteries and ended up getting two boxes worth of Finding Dory toys for my neices and nephew from the bargain section up front. I really need to avoid going in that store unless someone is with me to stop me! Hop on over to my most recent post and leave a comment for your chance to win a free gift certificate to my new online store! https://shank-you-very-much.com/2016/08/05/yep-weve-been-here-all-day/
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Oh cool! I will check it out!
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IKEA and Lowe’s do the same thing. It’s the mega-madness that forces you over the edge. Be glad you got away under a hundred dollars! Also, I believe there is something in the air that causes trance-like response that encourages a spend. Oy. #momsterlink
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Good catch, next time the Hubster gets upset with me I will make sure to point out that they’re pumping something in the air! I’m innocent!
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There you have it! It should work.
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OMG I love everything about this. You might be my spirit animal. This is a gloriously good post.
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Thank you so much!!!
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Yep this does my head in!! Everywhere does it, it’s like making kids walk through the toy shop after every ride at a theme park!! Just mean!! #momsterlink
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It is mean!!
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You got out of Costco spending less than $100! That’s fucking amazing! I go to Costco and my bill is never less than $300. My most expensive Costco bill was over $800. Granted that was the time we also purchased discounted Disneyland tickets for a family of 7 but still. I have to drive 2 hours to get to Costco so when I go I stock up on EVERYTHING but I totally get what you mean by the fact that they always have some interesting new product on display that the impulsive shopper must have. That would usually be my husband. Thanks for linking with #momsterslink and hope to see you tomorrow! Oh and hope you enjoyed Yellowstone! I was born and raised in Wyoming.
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We LOVED Yellowstone! The area is so great! I’ll be linking up tomorrow, I’d never miss a #mimsterslink
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This is hillarious and so true! It happens to me every time I shop!
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I do much better when I order my groceries online. But every so often I go in the store and spend ridiculous amounts of money on things I didn’t need!
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