Captain Puppy Pants…..

Lola: Mommybeast, can I ask you a question?

Me: Well, considering your face is two inches from mine….I guess you can.

Lola: Did I brush my teeth?

Me: Jeez, I should start napping in the bed, this couch puts me at puppy breath level. No, you did not brush your teeth.

Lola: Don’t you think you should get on that?

Me: I will, later today.

Lola: When later? Didn’t you hear the vet? She said the only reason she doesn’t have to gas me to clean my teeth is because I brush my teeth so well.

Me: Lola, I will do it later! I am tired and still sick.

Lola: Moms can’t get sick.

Me: Oh really?!?! Well, then I guess I’m not your mom.

Lola: Well, now that we established that, don’t you think my real Mommybeast would want you to brush my teeth already?

Me: What the hell do you mean your real Mommybeast?!? I AM your mom.

Lola: And a terrible one at that. Dereliction of duties, sleeping on the job, neglect of the wonderful puppy…the list goes on and on.

Me: Lola, just let me nap.

Lola: Meemaw said you did this to her when you were little. So suck it up! Now, I’m going to go get dressed and when I get back, I expect my teeth brushing to commence.

Me: What do you mean you’re getting dressed?!

Lola: Well who the hell else will play Captain Puppy Pants in the upcoming musical production if I don’t get dressed?

Me: ……..

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Where the hell did I go wrong in life?!?!

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