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Anyone who truly knows me, knows one little fact about me. I absolutely loathe having to wake up any earlier than the exact amount of time it takes me to get ready – and getting ready should not take more than 20 minutes.

I love, love, love my short haircut, but it can be a real bitch for someone who wants to take a night shower to get that few extra minutes of sleep time the next morning. There is nothing worse than waking up and jamming yourself into a shower while blurry-eyed. I am clumsy, this is a recipe for death for crying out loud!

So today I am berating myself for not having just sucked it up and taken the morning shower. Really, it’s only 10 minutes, and there are handrails in the tub since the gods of housing put me into appropriate housing for my medical needs. (Apparently requiring a one story home also sends the message that there are problems with standing. They know me so well!)

After a few hours of hating myself every time I go to the bathroom to pee, I decided to call my salon. They have forever garnered my loyalty and undying devotion…

The lovely lady looked into her computer and noted all the products I have purchased and even which style of haircut I have, in addition to the type of hair I have.

Holy shit, they are the NSA! They know everything about me! Everything! If I bought them a drone they could just drop products onto my lawn in a time of emergency.

The lovely lady proceeds to tell me which products to put in at night before drying the hair for bed and which to spray in the morning so I can just brush it out.

You magnificent woman you!!!!

That whole salon deserves some goddamn cookies. And I’m just the woman to see to it.

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

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You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: