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The Hubster. That’s right! The man I married. The man I handpicked out of hundreds to tie my goddamn yoke to.

Why do you vex me so?!?!?!

It all began on a quiet day. I had a raging migraine and wanted a bag of my chips. I love those teeny tiny variety bags you get in the very large box from Costco. Yet, as is sometimes the case when shopping at Costco, you are forced to store items in out-of-the-way places. Or in this case, slightly out of reach.

I called out to the Hubster and tell him the chips are stored too high, can he please get them down for me? He is a dear, dear man and does so promptly – whether out of love or just fear of my hangry migraine, one may never know. Hubster took the gallantry one step further, holding the box while I rifled through and picked my “favorite” bag. He then said I should go rest my brain, he’ll put the box back.

That brought us to the tragic events of today. I finished washing the metric ass ton of toys my infants have mouthed (you know who you are!) and I was feeling a wee bit chippy.

Chippy – verb. To eat chips until you can’t fit any more chips in.

I looked up from the washing machine, determined to climb up on a step stool and have my snack, when I realized chaos was about to erupt in the form of a shrieking banshee.

The Hubster had struck again.


Note the dryer, which is almost as tall as me, with the toys I spent painstaking time cleaning. Then note the low shelf, even higher than the dryer. Where the chips used to be. And then note…way at the top of the ceiling, way, way, way up there.

The chip box.

You know that douche canoe had to get out the big step stool just to put it up that high. Good forbid Hubster put it on the low shelf where it was and where I had a SHOT at getting them down by myself.

Some of you may be wondering why I don’t just wait until he gets home to have Chipfest 2013. Normally I would be cranky, but able to manage it with other snacks until Hubster comes home from work. However, the Navy has fucked me. The Hubster is on duty.

Why am I so vexed by my husband and the Navy?!?!?!

I guess I’m adding the Navy to the shank list also. They played a very critical role in this debacle.

So now the only option left open to me is become goddamn Spiderman to get to the chip box OR go buy a whole new huge box of tiny chips at Costco!

Blast and damn! Fat kids do not take lightly to food disappointments!!!!


And here’s a lovely picture of Lola to brighten the mood. I feel a tiny bit better.

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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: