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That title probably makes you think that I finally mastered my insane love of Twinkies and have taken control of my mind back from that amazingly tasty yellow sponge delight…

You’d be wrong. I will never get over Twinkies. I live to eat a Twinkie. I haven’t had one in almost a month and I can feel my body crying for one. And yet, it is too much effort to go into a grocery store. My laziness is my greatest downfall.

Ah…. you’re probably now thinking that if I haven’t mastered my Twinkie cravings that I have at last conquered the beast known as laziness.

You’d be wrong again. So very, very wrong. The lazy shall inherit the world after the overachievers drop dead from stress.

The beast was mold and mildew.

On Friday I had to have some vent work done in both bathrooms after we had quite a little mold explosion over the past week. We had been complaining to the landlord about our fans not working since the day we moved in. Unfortunately for us, every maintenance person told us that the fans were really quiet and far away and that is why we could never hear them. It’s a one-story house and the motor is right above my head in the attic. The steam is so bad that 15 hours after showering, water is still dripping down the walls of my bathroom. And thanks to a lack of windows, there is no way to vent our bathrooms to the outdoors. Our bedroom takes the brunt of the moisture, which would lead to my later despair.

We finally got a maintenance guy who agreed that the exhaust fans were not working, and probably had not been working since well before we moved in, based on my complaining about mold growing every other day. Contrary to popular maintenance man belief, even in Washington State, mold is not normal in a well-maintained house. The fans would finally be replaced and my life would be filled once again with bliss instead of mold. First, though, I had to clean up all the mold that had already bloomed.

All the clothing in my closet was beginning to grow mold. Wooden hangers were covered in it. The walls and ceilings were dotted with it. Just a few days prior my life was happy…and then it rained.  We hit the perfect ratio of temperature and moisture in the house, allowing the mold to flourish in less than a day. It had turned into a rainforest right in my bedroom! I looked dejectedly around my bedroom, while the Hubster stood next to me feeling dazed. Days of work loomed in front of us.

As I started pulling all of the clothes out of the dressers and hangers I began to realize just HOW MUCH fabric we owned. I had piles of it everywhere and an enormous pile just for dry cleaning. Every Navy ball gown I had ever bought was on my shit list. This was going to cost a fortune. Where did I put that trust fund?! I swear I just had one.

Hubster and I worked for two solid days, scrubbing every inch of our bedroom and bathroom. Our hands were raw, our lungs sore from the bleach solution. Lola valiantly attempted to help but gave up when her lack of thumbs presented obvious problems gripping a sponge.

We finally did it though.

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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much